Love Starts Here

Love starts here. At home in your body wherever you are right now. Maybe a better way to put it is that love continues here. Whichever one resonataes with you most. As a wellness professional and a master hair stylist, I have so many conversations with so many people, all the time about all the things they will do to take better care of themselves, once……

Once they get more time. Once their kids are older, once they have more income, once this certain thing happens, once they get their eating right or their exercise in order, once their credit score is on point, once they breakup or get into a healthy relationship, once they’ve moved, one that person get out of their house. In these scenarios, there is always something and there is always that on(c)e thing that is in the way of the thing that they are waiting to do.

What was it that Langston Hughes said? “What happens to a dream deferred?”

When I saw Beyonce sing “Flaws and All” on the Renaissance tour, it was like I heard it for the first time when I saw her jiggle her arms and poke at her neck and belly. I love to tell people about how wearing my waistbeads got me here, to where I am with loving on and accepting myself as I am, and how wearing my natural hair got me here, with the love and acceptance that lives within me for myself. I’ll tell you about it today.

Let’s go back to late summer, 2009 when I stopped relaxing my hair. This was at the very very beginning of the latest natural hair movement that we live in today, as well as the early-ish days of youtube, <5 years old. There was a natural hair movement that existed before this in the 70’s, but I grew up in the Just For Me days. I remember being so stressed and worried about how the way that I would be received without the lions mane look of big curly weave on my head. I thought that people wouldn’t recognize me. I thought that they would think I looked crazy and I felt like i’d need to explain why I cut my hair off. This all sounds crazy while I write this right now, but back then it felt so real and so important.

I made wigs for myself, I patiently waited for my hair to get long enough to braid, I started doing 27 piece glue-ins and yada yada yaaaa the list goes on. Basicall, I did everything except for accept and enjoy my hair! TGFYT (Thank God For YouTube ) I started watching youtube videos and, I will be so thankful for the little bit of representation that I found online. The beautiful black women experimenting with and learning about their natural hair as it grew from their scalp in the most loving, intentional, gentle way was inspiring. I started to see something different when I looked in the mirror at my hair that I had been hiding. Eventually, I let my fro out and started wearing my TWA. It has grown into something glorious that people admire today, but it is only because I started to love my own hair first. Without and before any input from the general public. Without even the acceptance of my family who sometimes would even ask “when I was going to do something with that hair.” Because of the way I developed a relationship and love, respect and acceptance for my hair everyday as is, it has, through the years taught others to follow suit, follow my lead and accept me as I am. For me it was first a choice. Then a feeling. So my heart followed my mind in this case.

My love for my hair came before my love for my body did. But my love for my body did come. Eventually. By way of waistbeads, surprisingly.

My friend, Christina gifted me with a beautiful strand of waistbeads from Ghana in 2019. I tied those beads on and you couldn’t tell me nothing, honey! I loved my beads so much. They adorned my belly beautifully. I loved stepping out of the shower and seeing my beads draped on my lower waist. I loved rubbing them on my belly in the morning before i got out of bed. My belly was a lot bigger at the time. It poked out like I was a few months pregnant, when i wasn’t and the excess skin of my belly hung down over my pubic area. I wanted my body to be smaller, slimmer, but I didn’t exactly know how, back then to get there. I used to squeeze my belly fat and pull my skin in all types of ways to try to make it look smaller. I used to speak negatively about my body, I used to hate and feel insecure about my body. This was all before I lovingly received my waistbeads. Then, one day, I was naked, fresh out of the shower, standing in the mirror looking at myself. I rubbed my waistbeads and curiously looked at my stretch marks and moles on my hanging belly. I noticed that day, that I was beautiful. I remembered the mean, hateful things I had once thought about myself, and I realized that I hadn’t thought those things in so long. I noticed how thankful I was feeling for what my body does for me, and the way that I communicates to me without words. I stood there in shock. I wondered to myself “Whoa, Do I love myself?” That sounds funny to me right now, but i was deadass living in that question, in that moment. I realized that my time rubbing my belly and admiring myself and my fluctuating body everyday was a practice of presence. I didn’t look in the mirror before objectively. I was always looking at myself in judgement. Yuck - I forgive myself! I’ve forgiven myself a million times.

This, however was a time that my heart led, and my mind caught up.

I started making and selling waistbeads, which I still do to this day, because I want to pass on what they’ve done for me.

My love and acceptance for myself has evolved through the years, but those are two key moments for me. I also, since then have become very sensitive to what I allow myself to absorb. I don’t engage in conversations where I disparaging my amazing body. I eat because I love myself. I exercise because I love myself, I dance because I love myself. I take care of myself because I am thankful and appreciative for this body that I am blessed with.

THAT feels a lot different than going to the gym because I want to change myself or want to be different. It feels different to eat veggies and drink water because I love my body and my hair instead of, because I can’t wait for my body and hair or skin to be different. It feels different to notice how I feel, before I notice how I look, or to aim to look a certain way for a certain audience. So when people tell me, they want to lose or gain weight, or grow their hair, or join me in the gym, or get on a meal plan, I ask “Why?” I ask because I want to know how do you feel about yourself? Where is your love for yourself? What is your why? There is a why that is deeper than looking good, and I will almost always help you figure out you why, because I am good at that. I will never judge where you are, because I’ve been a lot of places myself. I want to know so that I can remind you that love is more powerful than hate. Love will take you much farther, for longer than hate. Love lasts. Especially when it’s real. So love yourself exactly where you are right now and move from that place of love. Love starts….here!